This Is Your Brother, Kevin Ware

Kevin and answering machines. Not the best combination for a number of years. When I was in grad school at San Diego State, Kevin was about 16 or 17 years old, and he was just starting to call me on his own. I would often come home to a message on my machine that would sound something like this: "Um...hello, um...Laura? Uh...MOM! It's the answering machine! What do I do?" (From somewhere in the distance, I would hear her say something like, "Just say 'Hello' and tell her to call you back.") So he'd stammer out, "Uh, hello, Laura...uh...call us back." And he'd hang up.

This went on for a while and then our mom must have told him to announce himself, just tell me he was calling. So the phone messages evolved into less terrified, but still halting messages like "Um...uh...hello, Laura. Um...this is...uh...your brother...uh...Kevin Ware. I am calling to say 'Hi.' Um...call me back."

And soon the stuff of legends was born. "Hello, Laura, [in staccato monotone] this-is-your-brother-Kevin-Ware. Please-call-us-back." I think he'd started practicing before he would make the call.

When we would talk, I'd tell him that he didn't need to leave all that detail. After all I only had one brother who would be calling me, I only knew one Kevin, and I recognized his voice. But, no, from then on, I was greeted on the answering machine by, "This-is-your-brother-Kevin-Ware."

I was doing a production of Sweeney Todd at the time this was all happening, and - surprise - I was sharing the stories of Kevin and the answering machine. One night in rehearsal, we were working on the Letter Quintet, which one man begins by singing, "Most honorable Judge Turpin..." He was singing it a little too staccato, and our director went up onstage and said, "No, smooth it out. Not 'Most-hon-o-ra-ble-Judge-Tur-pin.'" Then the director paused and sang, "This-is-your-brother-Kevin-Ware." We all howled!

Kevin will still do this once in a while. It became a bit of a joke between us and my friends and family. Now he usually just says, "This is Kevin Ware" and he's positively breezy when he leaves messages. But almost everyone I know, when they ask about him, will say, "So how is your brother, Kevin Ware?"